What Happened to My Mom at the Dealership (And Why It Happens to So Many Women)

The car I learned to drive on was my mom's five-year-old Infiniti JX35. To most people, the exact make and model of the first car they ever drove isn't something they remember or care about. But I remember the day my mom decided to sell it, because I was happy she was going to get a new car, and a little sad because I had formed a bit of an emotional attachment to it, despite its treacherous reliability.

Two weeks later, my mom came back from the dealership and angrily recounted to my dad how poorly she had been treated. For two hours, the salesman talked over her, talked down to her, and was demeaning, sexist, and disrespectful. At the end of it, after trying to sell her on a Mercedes she didn't want and she knew she didn't need, the real kicker came. He had offered her eight grand as a trade-in for her old car, citing "poor market perspective on import cars." Bullshit. She didn't know exactly what the car was worth, but considering she had paid 50,000 for it, she knew it was ridiculous.

As a 16-year-old, none of this fully registered to me, but I understood my mom, and I loved cars. Years later, that afternoon has shaped my professional life. And it left me with a question I couldn't put down: was what happened to her unusual, or was it the standard?

Was My Mom's Experience Unique?

Anecdotally, not, according to Caribou.com: "Nearly half of Gen Z women worry about sexism at the car dealership." Sit with that for a second. These are women who may not have even had my mom's experience yet, and they're already bracing for it before they walk in the door. The reputation in the car industry isn't just paranoia, it's systemic!

And it isn't about what you can afford. My mom had just paid fifty thousand dollars for the car she was trading in. She wasn't lowballed because she couldn't tell a fair number from an insulting one; she was lowballed because of who the salesman decided she was the moment she walked onto the lot. Money doesn't buy you out of that room!

And I see it in my own work. I've had clients who are intelligent, successful professionals, especially women, walk into a dealership and get spoken down to, upsold, or misled. What happened to my mom wasn't a bad day at one bad store, and I wanted to know why.

A Former Salesman Says the Quiet Part Out Loud

Why do dealers have this reputation for discrimination? In an interview from Confessions of a Car Salesman (Henry and Buri, 1992), former salesman Jeff Gutierrez says clearly, "The car business is extremely sexist. That's because white males own most of the dealerships. You have very few women who own dealerships." He continues, going over how women are generally treated when in a dealership, in his experience: "When a woman comes on the lot, many salesmen will talk about how she's dressed, how good-looking she is. But they don't rush out to meet her because they think it's a waste of time."

That's not an accusation from a critic, it's a confession from a professional. Gutierrez sold cars at six dealerships over ten years before going over to the other side to help consumers. Gender bias is undeniably deeply rooted in the culture of the car sales world.

Not every salesman on every lot operates this way, and I wouldn't claim otherwise. But the culture Gutierrez describes doesn't need every salesman to participate. It just needs the ones who do to face no consequences. The man who insulted my mom for two hours kept his job. She's the one who never went back!

The Trip That Proved It Doesn't Have to Be This Way

Here's the part of the story I love telling. After the Infiniti fiasco, I told my mom she should consider a Tesla, considering how much she hates going to the gas station and the new way that they're approaching buying. Also, they're just plain cool! She humored me and went into a Tesla "dealership." If you don't know, Tesla doesn't use dealerships; they use company-owned showrooms for test drives, and then you buy it through their website. Unorthodox and comfortable.

My parents went together, and the experience was night and day. They walked in, asked to drive a car, were given keys, drove it, loved it, and then they asked, "Well, how do I buy it?" The employee laughed, "Just buy it online." No salesman, no negotiation, no "let me talk to my manager." They got instant quotes for the loan and trade-in based on fair market value. Five years later, she still has the same car and loves it.

Same woman. Same trade-in. Same budget. The only thing that changed was the system she walked into. One treated her like prey. The other treated her like someone capable, not clueless!

What I Do About It Now

The car-buying process isn't just stressful, it's a system built on imbalance. Information is unequal. Incentives are misaligned. And certain buyers, especially women and first-timers, are deliberately put at a disadvantage.

It's personal to me because I've made it my job to be the fix. I'm not a broker, dealer, or salesperson; I'm your agent, and I work only for you. I do the research, I draw out the important information, I negotiate hard on your behalf, and you walk in with the deal already negotiated. Nobody gets two hours to talk over you at a desk, because by the time you show up, there's nothing left to talk you into.

If any of this sounds like your mom, your sister, or you, I'd like to be the person on your side of the table. blewettcarconsultant.com is where you find me. My mom got her car and never looked back. Whatever your version of that car is, let's go get it!

Collin Blewett